0:00 – Five minute recap
Yes, just like the second film, this movie features a five minute recap of the ending to the second part. If you missed it, you’ll see it here – perhaps they should have included the end of the first film, too, just in case anyone had missed it.
6:00 – Techno intro
Friday the 13th Part III is the first film to feature Harry Manfredini’s iconic theme song. It’s purely ’80s electronica, effectively paired with the ’80s 3D font that’s supposed to pop out at the viewer! Still, there’s love in my heart for this piercing blend of synths and drum machines.
13:33 – Harold takes a crap
Not to be outdone by Friday the 13th Part 2‘s piss scene, Part III includes not one but two scenes of people taking a poo on the toilet. In this first scene, Harold sits down to have a nice, juicy diarrhea, complete with the sounds of it hitting the toilet bowl. But when he stands up, and we see inside the toilet bowl, it’s totally clean.
17:50 – Stereotypical Mexican Maid
You know what I’m talking about.
19:05 – 3D Doobie
“Pass the doobie, brah,” we Part III viewers say, and the film delivers with a 3D joint passed to the camera in one of the lamest 3D effects put to film. You’ll need some pot just to think it works as a cool, fresh way to watch film!
20:00 – “Eat the pot!”
If that joint looked appetizing just a minute ago, the idea that you’ll have to eat the rest of the stash sure won’t. Especially because the police go zipping past the van with no intentions of pulling them over. Something tells me eating the rest of their “secret” wouldn’t do much, though, since ten minutes ago we see Chuck smoking the entire van out.
31:00 – “We don’t accept no food stamps.”
When Vera tries to buy some booze, she goes for her breast pocket for… money? No, they’re food stamps, as the cashier immediately can tell, because most people commonly keep their food stamps in their breast pockets for easy use. Seriously, though, how does she know Vera’s going to use a food stamp before she even takes them out?
Then Vera is embarrassed again by having to use her manners to win back Shelly’s wallet from a gang of thugs who wear leather jackets, bandannas, and other creatively gang-like flair.
32:50 – Shelly’s driving
Shelly apparently doesn’t know how to drive – first he backs into a pair of motorcycles, then he stops to get his windshield smashed in by a biker. Then he fails to hit said biker with the car – Part III is really not nice to Shelly, but he also doesn’t have many characteristics that are likable about him.
34:00 – 3D fooling
Here is one of many scenes blatantly appealing to the 3D nature of the film – a full 30 seconds of yoyoing towards the camera for absolutely no reason.
38:20 – Biker chick in the barn
Fox, our biker chick from the convenience store, wants to have some fun, so she enters the barn at the lakehouse. Apparently, she’s never experienced the joys of scratchy hay, rope swings, and pitchforks, because she goes bananas playing with things in the barn. She goes Blue Man Group on a bunch of metal posts, then violently kicks over a hay barrel like the queen of badassery she is.
50:00 – Chris’ story
Chris’ story about Jason’s attack is pretty boring because it’s awkwardly spliced between translucent images of her head and the attack. But it also clearly shows that the Jason of Part III looks nothing like the disfigured man we see in Part 2, which might be why they don’t show that part of the ending in the recap at the beginning of this film.
53:28 – “Heavy shit!”
In our second poop scene of the film, Chuck exclaims “Heavy shit!” as he lights up on the john.
54:30 – Chuck’s afraid of the barn
Despite saying that Shelly “just ducked into the barn,” Chuck immediately denies it once he’s forced to enter the barn, saying, “I don’t think he’s in here.” Must be the pot hallucinations.
56:10 – Shelly goes scuba diving
Miraculously, Shelly finds a scuba suit somewhere on the premises, then sneakily gets into the lake without Vera knowing it, who has been sitting on the dock looking out at the water the whole time. I don’t really care about how he gets in the water, but where did Shelly get that scuba suit? He must have brought it with him, assuming he might need to snorkel in the lake.
1:00:30 – Jason kills calmly
Jason is so nonchalant about his killing of Vera as he walks off of the dock that it almost appears as though he’d like to skip along after, or perhaps play some hopscotch before decapitating and devouring little girls. TGIF!
1:02:40 – Andy’s trip
Andy’s trip to get beer downstairs is foiled not only because he must get permission from his showering girlfriend, but also because he’s walking on his goddamn hands! Jason probably killed him just for being a douchebag.
1:04:20 – Tom Savini!
1:08:20 – Chili doesn’t get sarcasm
It takes Chili a good couple of minutes to figure out that, yes, Shelly really is dying in the doorway while she makes popcorn. Granted, Shelly has been crying wolf all day, but when the blood continues to pour from his slit throat and he refuses to stand, it makes a girl wonder.
1:12:00 – The eye pop
Rick’s eye pops out of his head from Jason’s strong hands squeezing him. But the amount of pressure needed to pop the eye out would already have crushed his skull, methinks. But Jason seems to have a firm handshake – he’d be good for cuddling in the cold winter nights, if you’re not frightened of suffocation (some people go for that!).
1:15:40 – Dangerous books
Chris doesn’t wait for Jason to climb the stairs before tossing the bookcase on him. She does it while he’s still downstairs, sending tens of heavy hardcovers down on his head and giving him one bad headache.
1:17:20 – Chris can’t connect
Chris has a hard time actually hitting Jason with the knife she grabbed from Debbie’s back, slashing at Jason’s clothes and arms and losing all of her energy in the process. Then, she goes back to the house to make sure that Jason is still alive, just so he can pursue her again. Running away might have been a smarter idea.
1:26:00 – Black biker guy
Black biker guy is still alive! That’s right – even though we saw him get his head smashed in a bunch of times with a machete, he’s still intact (for a little while) and… useless.
1:29:50 – Returning to Friday the 13th
Part III reuses the canoeing scene from the original film, this time reversing the roles so that it is Jason’s mother who hops out of the lake. However, it’s really not a surprise since the film has already set us up for a lake shock twice, once with a log hitting the canoe and again with a bird skimming the water.
Bonus: Why does Mrs. Voorhees still have a head?