There have been a lot of good studies on Sean S. Cunningham’s Friday the 13th, and let’s face it – we don’t need another essay on the effect of the film on the modern slasher, or the thematic metaphor that sex = death. Instead, for this week’s Friday the 13th marathon, I’ve decided to go a different route – “What the Friday,” a compilation of strange or ridiculous circumstances from each of the Friday the 13th movies that either don’t make sense, come out of thin air, or are just pretty hilarious additions to the film. Here’s a list of what I found during my screening of Friday the 13th Part 2. Each instance also includes approximate runtime for easy viewing of the scene.

2:00 – Opening Recap

The terrible contrite opening recap – complete with “dream” cutaways featuring Alice – becomes a staple here, and it lasts for over five minutes! Someone from television needed to help cut down on the runtime here. The screen should have had a cue card reading, “Just watch the first damn movie!”

8:50 – Alice’s Shower

Alice takes a two-second shower. She steps into the shower, pulls the curtain closed, lets the water run, and then steps back out. Miraculously, she intuits the telephone call before it actually happens! Let’s face it, this scene was added for the comparisons to Psycho.

12:05 – Opening Credits

The opening credits explode the Friday the 13th logo to make way for the “Part 2”; unlike the first Friday, which used smashing glass, this gimmick seems fairly hokey – it also sets you up for an explosion later in the movie that never comes!

17:40 – “Where’d this come from?”

There’s a log in the road in the middle of the forest. It perplexes our camp counselors; at first, they don’t even know what it is although the car is clearly upon the log. Then, one of them asks, “Where’d this come from?” as though it’s somehow out of the ordinary to see a log fallen across an unused roadway.

23:00 – Paul’s speech about safety

“Contrary to belief, bears are dangerous,” wise guru Paul remarks. Who had believed they weren’t dangerous in the first place, I ask. Who needed to be reminded that they might be more violent than they at first appear!

That’s not all though. Paul also has this to say about the great female dilemma: “Keep clean during your menstrual cycle.” I think there will be more blood spilled at camp than that, Paul. (Let’s hope that the women are cleaning themselves whether they’re on their menstrual cycle or not, though.)

34:30 – Terry’s dog

Could that lumbering man be Muffin?”

Terry’s out looking for her missing Muffin in the woods. Thinking that the cameraman posing as Jason is actually a dog in human disguise, she decides to investigate. But when Ted calls out to her that dinner is ready, she leaves Muffin to the wolves or to a developmentally arrested man-child who might get a kick out of ripping the dog to shreds. Who needs pets!

37:00 – Cop at Camp Blood

Two counselors wander off to try to find the entrance to Camp Blood. They find a dead animal, and a police officer. But why was this cop stationed at Camp Blood to begin with if the place is condemned? It seems a little coincidental that he would be sitting out, having a doughnut as the two kids walked by.

42:50 – Paul’s Christmas outfit

Despite being the middle of summer, Paul decides to break out his Christmas wardrobe for the camp’s dinner party with a red jean jacket and green turtleneck! Not a flattering combo.

Bonus: While we’re talking about wardrobes, let’s just consider these babies for a minute.

46:15 – Terry goes skinny-dipping

At first it appears Terry is worried about her dog, so she sets out to find Muffin in the woods. Then, once she starts losing her half-shirt and bottoms, it’s clear she’s decided to go skinny-dipping in clear sight of everyone who crosses paths with her at the COMMUNITY BEACH. I’m not quite sure where her freak skinny-dipping craving came from, but I’m guessing all the men were excited to see it.

59:00 – Vicky’s sexy underwear

Gearing up for a sordid night, Vicky heads to her room to change from her boring black underwear into her super “sexy” brown underwear. It starts to rain, so she runs outside (still in her underwear) to close the windows.

1:05:00 – Vicky’s helplessness

Vicky has been very outgoing throughout the film, trying to seduce her handicapped man into having sex with her with very weak double entendres. So why is she portrayed as so weak and motionless once she’s attacked by Jason?

1:08:00 – “Paul, there’s someone in this fucking room!”

Well Ginny, how about you do something about the stranger rather than calling out to Paul twenty times! Not only does she let Paul tackle the weapon-wielding stranger, she also stands awkwardly and yells “Paul!” as he gets beaten up! Nice work, Final Girl.

1:15:05 – Jason fail

7Uu45A on Make A Gif, Animated Gifs

Normally, Jason doesn’t humiliate himself – only others. But this time Jason manages to botch a killing by falling off of a chair and breaking his pitchfork. Send this to America’s Funniest Home Videos.

1:16:40 – Jason’s house

Seems strange that Jason just happens to have a doorway which he normally barricades with a long log, although Ginny uses it to her advantage to lock him out of the room.

1:19:00 – Paul to the rescue

We must question just how Paul came to find Jason’s shack to rescue Ginny. Did he follow her footprints in the mud?

1:24:00 – “Where’s Paul?”

No, really – where is Paul? And where’s Jason? And why is Ginny alive?

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