Last year, I tackled just a few of my favorite horror feasts for Thanksgiving – it’s only fair that before we gorge ourselves on massive amounts of turkey and mashed potatoes, we highlight some human-inspired dishes first. So before you start to carve into the flesh of that beautiful bird, take a moment to remember five more horror dinners that didn’t end so well for those involved. I suspect turkeys will be flocking to this post for their own brand of torture porn!
1. Cannibal Holocaust: Eating the turtle
Cannibal Holocaust is notorious for nearly all of its footage, and it has received special condemnation from all of the animal lovers out there who despise the footage of real animals slaughtered on camera. Though the monkey brains scene is a pretty gross display of delicacy dining, the one that really gets to me is the turtle.
Part of it is just how massive the turtle really is. Knowing that some of the turtle will be wasted just for the sake of getting this particularly brutal scene on camera is difficult to condone. More than that, though, is the depiction of taking off the breast plate. The reveal of all those organs, glistening, is about as appetizing as looking into a can full of moist earthworms. It’s no wonder Francesca Ciardi really vomits after that, making both her and the viewer lose their appetite.
2. Dino Crisis: Cooper becomes a meal
Back when Video World was still around and my local grocery store still rented video games, Dino Crisis was the shit. I had already beaten Resident Evil 2 three different ways by the time I picked up Capcom’s other survival horror series, so I was already pretty engrossed in the experience – and I wasn’t as surprised when I was killed numerous times by crazy creatures looking only to stomp by guts in. But the first scene in Dino Crisis, where a character named Cooper runs from a T. Rex only to find himself dino food, really got me.
It was different from Resident Evil 2; in that one, you expected zombies to be violent and visceral. But Dino Crisis was ultimately a very different experience from the survival horror of RE2; you were forced to run from the dinosaurs, not face off with them, and you couldn’t use the same strategies. It meant I was often meat for the dinosaurs just like Cooper.
3. Starship Troopers: Brain drains
I’ll tell you what, when I first saw Starship Troopers I was probably 12 years old and man did the brain-sucking scene hit me hard. Not that I couldn’t watch it – I actually loved every minute of it. When my parents complained how gross it was I cheered it on even more – who doesn’t love a good schlocky horror film with an alien that feasts on the gelatinous brains of the unwitting troopers? Maybe I was a bit young for all the sex and violence, and I haven’t seen the film since so I don’t have a great memory of the rest of it, but any time I think of Starship Troopers I think of this poor guy’s head deflating as the brain gets sucked into a large vagina.
4. The Haunted Mask: Worms are good for protein
Call me weird, but the first thing I noticed in The Haunted Mask‘s lunchtime scene is that fucking awesome sandwich that this girl has. Mom knows how to make a good Halloween lunch! How do you even get orange and black bread? I’m going to Pinterest that shit.
But I digress. It’s not the color of the sandwich that makes the meal, but the meat between the bread. And in Carly Beth’s case, that meat is a big fat worm stuck there by bullies Chuck and Steve. Is this Stephen King’s phallic symbolism for both Chuck and Steve having a crush on Carly Beth? Probably not – instead, he just wanted to gross out kids in any way possible. In this case, the slippery slimy worm is an unappetizing moment in Goosebumps history that probably wouldn’t make it to kids’ TV now. Disturbing for kids, sure, but also stomach-churning. Although I’m not sure what’s grosser in that sandwich: tuna, or the worm?
5. It: Part 2: Dinner scene
Leave it to Stephen King to make Chinese more unappetizing. In the second part of the miniseries It, the group of kids, now adults, meet up for a delicious meal to discuss how to deal with It now that it has returned to Derry. Unfortunately, their good time is ruined by hallucinations of terrible things crawling out of their fortune cookies, from baby bird embryos to human eyeballs. It’s not the first time that the warriors of It have been plagued by visions, but it does make one think about what’s really in the Chinese food they’re eating. Luckily, no cats were harmed in the making of the movie.